GameDay™

[Champagne and Roses]

I do like Ashton as a summariser and when on TS. Seems to say it like it is.

Anyway, clicked to the birds soccer.

There’s an interview with the new boss of Sky in the Times today. Says he wants Sky to be the home of women’s football. Doesn’t say why. Same reason Hugh ‘n’ Dazza are on on Thursdays on TS I suppose.

It's probably very cheap. You're not going to basing any advertising campaign on being the home of the WSL.

Birds international update on BBC2, it's not great.

I do like like all the variations of top buns though. And the German keeper with one and plaits looks bewtiful.

Yeah it’s cheap. But they would be stupid to sell out to sky, the effect of Sky getting exclusivity on minority sports is negative in the long term: darts, snooker, golf.

[Carlos J]

I do like Ashton as a summariser and when on TS. Seems to say it like it is.

Anyway, clicked to the birds soccer.

There’s an interview with the new boss of Sky in the Times today. Says he wants Sky to be the home of women’s football. Doesn’t say why. Same reason Hugh ‘n’ Dazza are on on Thursdays on TS I suppose.

It's probably very cheap. You're not going to basing any advertising campaign on being the home of the WSL.

Birds international update on BBC2, it's not great.

I do like like all the variations of top buns though. And the German keeper with one and plaits looks bewtiful.

Yeah it’s cheap. But they would be stupid to sell out to sky, the effect of Sky getting exclusivity on minority sports is negative in the long term: darts, snooker, golf.

And you forgot dear old cricket. A peak of 8.4M on C4 in 2005. This year and v Wimbers got a peak of 4.8M.

The arrars has some on ITV4 but for others the big teat of Sky seems suckingly so good against actual viewers to sports organisations. And that is a shame.

[Erskine Might]

They're missing a trick not hiring Jason McAteer, one of the thickest ex-players on the planet. He once saw Jimmy White and shouted out, 'Hey, Jimmy - one hundred and eightyyyyyyy!'

He also reacted, when someone told him he could retrieve the keys he'd locked inside his car with a clothes hanger, by bringing out a wooden one.

And on a lads' trip to the beach in Spain, when told the bag of ice he'd bought for their drinks would melt before they'd reached their destination, he responded by saying, 'Good point - I'd better get a second one'.

And his ex-teammates swear he really DID say, 'Can you slice that pizza in four rather than six because I'm not that hungry tonight'.

He'd be perfect fr TS and Sky.

[Champagne and Roses]

Of course snooker has declined in popularity so much it’s now on a small free-to-air channel hosted by Golstein.

[Erskine Might]

Whack-Whack-Oops!

[Basualdo]

Moose and Durham hoovering up the buffet at Tottenham Hotspur today.

Hungry, hungry hippos

[Basualdo]

Woods is awful. Just awful. Even reading from a script she's rubbish.

Then there's Matterface - what a relay race of naff broadcasters that is. 'It never rains it pours,' he shouts, as an ingenious reference both to the rain and a bad run of form. Give that man a raise. He must sit in his house all week, chewing on a pencil, trying to get all of his pre-rehearsed comments ready.

'Xhaka is in exile,' he shrieks, not quite knowing what that is supposed to mean but he says it anyway. The atmosphere, he says, is always great 'when the top teams, or the so-called top teams, come to town' - so it's a great atmosphere when so-called top teams come to town, is it, Samuel? You have no idea what you're saying, do you?

'Was that a foul by Holding?' he shouts, before adding, far, far too late, 'Was that a foul FOR holding by Holding?' Really? Commentators are obsessed by puns, and seize on the chance for another one within a nano second, but Matterface's mind works with all the pace and predictability of a turning oil tanker.

Matterface starts commentating on Liverpool until he remembers it's Leicester. He's that bored.

'All week people have been talking about Leicerster winning the match,' says Sam, 'but whether that turns out to be what happens...er...remains to...er...be seen' - a classic Matterface mental cul-de-sac: he starts what he decides with zero thought is something to be contested, then his brain flicks all the alarm buttons to point out there's not much worth arguing about here and so he backs out of the area hoping people don't hear the 'vehicle is reversing' announcements.

'He's as fast as a Bugetti, Jamie Vardy, isn't he?' I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, mate.

'And Tielemans picks out Perez as England 0 Germany 1'. I assumed there was interference from another radio line but apparently Matterface thinks random unexplained scores from ladies' games is the way to go.

'Leicester should be ahead and Arsenal will be breathing a sigh of relief because...of the fact...that they aren't'. Another masterly statement of the superflous and the obvious by Samuel, even though, as usual, he makes it sound complicated.

'Guendouzi, not doing so' - Sam, mate, unless you first say what he's supposed to be doing, this makes no sense at all.

'What you can hear there is the clappers, not the rain' - again, no idea.

'30 minutes gone, Leicester, with their foot on the floor' - AGAIN, no idea!

Click. I can't take any more. For god's sake get rid of this hopeless commentator.

One of the posts of the year.

[manifique]

Of course snooker has declined in popularity so much it’s now on a small free-to-air channel hosted by Golstein.

Can just imagine inside the snooker circuit the players can't stand him. Must be a nightmare scenario. They can just simply switch him off like the rest of us. Imagine the horror when he bowls up in his sons clothes and haircut to the Angola Open to add his input.

Bet he's a right persistent wanker too, constantly bombarding them with texts to come on his show. He'll get the occasional success story with a Kirk Stevens or Dave Harold and devote two hours to that 'amazing' guest.

[manifique]

Thought I heard Trevor Sinclair compare the current Chelsea squad to the class of 82. Just can't take this bloke or his voice seriously anymore.

[Juice Terry]

Woods is awful. Just awful. Even reading from a script she's rubbish.

Then there's Matterface - what a relay race of naff broadcasters that is. 'It never rains it pours,' he shouts, as an ingenious reference both to the rain and a bad run of form. Give that man a raise. He must sit in his house all week, chewing on a pencil, trying to get all of his pre-rehearsed comments ready.

'Xhaka is in exile,' he shrieks, not quite knowing what that is supposed to mean but he says it anyway. The atmosphere, he says, is always great 'when the top teams, or the so-called top teams, come to town' - so it's a great atmosphere when so-called top teams come to town, is it, Samuel? You have no idea what you're saying, do you?

'Was that a foul by Holding?' he shouts, before adding, far, far too late, 'Was that a foul FOR holding by Holding?' Really? Commentators are obsessed by puns, and seize on the chance for another one within a nano second, but Matterface's mind works with all the pace and predictability of a turning oil tanker.

Matterface starts commentating on Liverpool until he remembers it's Leicester. He's that bored.

'All week people have been talking about Leicerster winning the match,' says Sam, 'but whether that turns out to be what happens...er...remains to...er...be seen' - a classic Matterface mental cul-de-sac: he starts what he decides with zero thought is something to be contested, then his brain flicks all the alarm buttons to point out there's not much worth arguing about here and so he backs out of the area hoping people don't hear the 'vehicle is reversing' announcements.

'He's as fast as a Bugetti, Jamie Vardy, isn't he?' I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, mate.

'And Tielemans picks out Perez as England 0 Germany 1'. I assumed there was interference from another radio line but apparently Matterface thinks random unexplained scores from ladies' games is the way to go.

'Leicester should be ahead and Arsenal will be breathing a sigh of relief because...of the fact...that they aren't'. Another masterly statement of the superflous and the obvious by Samuel, even though, as usual, he makes it sound complicated.

'Guendouzi, not doing so' - Sam, mate, unless you first say what he's supposed to be doing, this makes no sense at all.

'What you can hear there is the clappers, not the rain' - again, no idea.

'30 minutes gone, Leicester, with their foot on the floor' - AGAIN, no idea!

Click. I can't take any more. For god's sake get rid of this hopeless commentator.

One of the posts of the year.

It is superb

[JW90]

Durham was totally embarrassing and pathetic the way he ranted about VAR

Yes, was listening to it on my way to the Leicester match and he was so over the top that any decent or valid points he had were lost. Paired with that other drama queen Abrahams you thought the most disgraceful act of human indecency had occurred in full view of women and children.

Then over to Five Live where a measured and professional Ian Dennis explained that the decision was incorrect and harsh without telling us Sheffield United should be given millions of pounds to compensate for their lost goal.

[Erskine Might]

And this morning we're given the very special treat of Jeff 'Einstein' Brazier. He comes to TS effortlessly ready to slot into the essential idiocy of the station under Clayton:

shouting so loudly that you don't need a mic - check;
pronouncing 'th' as 'f' - check;
misusing words like 'literally' and 'proverbial' - check;
thinking that 'possibly,' arguably,' 'undoubtedly' and definitely' mean the same thing and can be used in the same sentence - check;
subscribing to the Glen Hoddle concept of a range of removable 'heads' - such as 'your England head' and 'your football head' - for different functions and events - check;
mistaking facts for opinions, such as 'In my view, Chelsea are in the top four' - check;
not listening to what you're saying (such as 'I wanted to be there but they're probably better off with me being there') - check;
not caring about what you're saying (such as 'I don't know if I'm speaking for myself or speaking for many others but I don't see anything positive happening for Spurs unless something changes like a cup win or we could do well in Europe but I haven't given up hope but I'm pessimistic') - check;
talking about VAR all the time - check;
talking about how people shouldn't be talking about VAR all the time - check.





There are other ways of reaching this level of broadcasting - brain damage, for example - but credit to Clayton for recruiting a natural like Brazier.

[kentred1]

Durham was totally embarrassing and pathetic the way he ranted about VAR

Yes, was listening to it on my way to the Leicester match and he was so over the top that any decent or valid points he had were lost. Paired with that other drama queen Abrahams you thought the most disgraceful act of human indecency had occurred in full view of women and children.

Then over to Five Live where a measured and professional Ian Dennis explained that the decision was incorrect and harsh without telling us Sheffield United should be given millions of pounds to compensate for their lost goal.

You mean Ian Dennis didn't say Sheffield United players should walk off the pitch and Stockley Park should be used by the homeless like Divvy Durham?

[Erskine Might]

Dum-Dum mansplaining stuff again to the female presenter. And what insights they were: apparently a manager needs to know his players, and use tactics that get the best out of them, rather than tactics that don't get the best out of them. This is why, Dum-Dum points out, that some managers get sacked, and new managers can come in and improve a team, because, presumably, some other managers, unlike Dum-Dum, don't have this wisdom. It's tragic that he isn't a manager himself, he makes it sound so simple.

[Champagne and Roses]

Dum-Dum mansplaining stuff again to the female presenter. And what insights they were: apparently a manager needs to know his players, and use tactics that get the best out of them, rather than tactics that don't get the best out of them. This is why, Dum-Dum points out, that some managers get sacked, and new managers can come in and improve a team, because, presumably, some other managers, unlike Dum-Dum, don't have this wisdom. It's tragic that he isn't a manager himself, he makes it sound so simple.

All true, but I've just been listening to him and I do like him on round-the-grounds when all he has to say is stuff like "Goal at St Mary's", he throws in little facts about the games and teams and switches around between reporters in a competent way, and stuff is happening so quickly he has no opportunity to thrown in any of his own rancid opinions. So, I'd keep him on the station but only for those two hours.