Talksport Commentary

[Carlos J]

He has been telling what is happening and where, the basic of radio commentary.

Wee Gordon saying "40,000 here love it" after chants of "Fuck VAR".

[Erskine Might]

He has been telling what is happening and where, the basic of radio commentary.

Yes, he's doing a basic job of doing the basics. The point remains that he's crap and Matterface is unbelievably crap.

[JW90]

Matterface today:

'The pitch is in good condition today - unlike two years ago' (who cares??)

Excellent summary but this line stood out- I recall the furore on TS that a cash strapped lower league team didn't have a pristine carpet of a pitch for the likes of Kane, Alli and Eriksen to play on and in some areas had mud and it was a bit slippery in places too. JWOTS was particularly angry about this and demanded to know why Rochdale had the temerity to provide a difficult surface for the top, top players whilst not giving a fuck that Fleetwood, Bristol Rovers, AFC Wimbledon players had to play on the same pitch around that time.

He did a very patronising invterview with the Rochdale chief executive who correctly slapped down White. It just proved that for all the nostalgic talk of pitches being levellers, proper football, what the cup is all about- the only thing they care about is the Premier League.

[Juice Terry]

Matterface today:

'The pitch is in good condition today - unlike two years ago' (who cares??)

*misses the first goal because he's in the middle of reading out a sponsor's ad, then has to ignore the action from kick-off because he's having to explain how the goal happened, then continues to ignore the action because he is just chatting and seems to think you're watching on TV*

*reluctantly starts commenting on the action again, but with zero information as to where the players are on the pitch so all you hear is a list of names*

*gets bored of this commentary lark so devotes the next couple of minutes to talkng about the TS schedule for the entire weekend, then concentrates on updating all the other scores, then cuts to another reporter, then has another chat with Trev - anything to avoid commenting on the fecking action in front of his eyes*

'The ball is on the right-hand side' - of where, Samuel? The Rochdale half? The Newcastle half? The centre circle? Who has the ball? What on earth do you think you're 'explaining'??

'There's a wry smile on the face of Steve Bruce, the Newcastle United manager, who spoke to us at 11.15 this morning'. Who the hell cares???

*There's an attack going on, but Matterface and Sinclair are too busy talking about where they and their relations have lived in Manchester*

*Sam pronounces requisite as "reek-quiz-it"*

*Bored of commenting on the action again, Matterface starts saying where each of the directors and chief executives are in the stadium*

*Sam says a player hit a ball "aimlessly". Sinclair butts in to say it wasn't aimless at all. Sam says nothing and sulks*

*Sam says for the fifth time that it's "chilly"*

*Bored again, Sam ignores the action and starts talking about Port Vale*

*Sam mentions something that happened 13 years ago - I guess any information is welcome when he so rarely gives any*

*Sam hears a bell ringing. He "jokes" that it must be dinner time. Sinclair tries to force a chuckle but gives up*

*An attack is in process, but Sam is talking about cricket so he ignores it*

*Sam is amazed to see a Newcastle fan who is fat and shirtless. He clearly thinks this is unusual*

*Sam says that an attacker "did not get close enough to the ball to affect the cross" - you mean he didn't head it, Sam*

Half Time. Thank christ for that.






This moron is the station's 'chief commentator'. It's an utter disgrace.

Great write up that.

[kentred1]

Another live match ruined by Sam "Alan Partridge" Matterface

This guy is just plain dreadful

[LittleShop]

Where’s Erskine when you need him for his Matterface Memoirs of the evenings commentary.

[James90125]

What was in the charts in February 1980? Great banter.

[kentred1]

What was in the charts in February 1980? Great banter.

Yes we got the bonus of knowing the Nolan Sisters were in the charts at that time

[Champagne and Roses]

Another live match ruined by Sam "Alan Partridge" Matterface

This guy is just plain dreadful

Leaving all opinions about him aside - a simple FACT is that he doesn't commentate on the game, he doesn't tell you what's happening on the pitch often enough for you to follow the game. Same in his last "commentary". This is such a basic error that surely even Clayton must fix it. At the point when that is fixed we can address whether his drivelling "banter" with his co-host is adequate. Personally as a start (if I couldn't fire him immediately) I'd make him do the games on his own - given him no-one to talk to - then he might concentrate more.

[kentred1]

Does Matterface ever listen to himself?

"That right foot could crack a safe"

[Erskine Might]

Another live match ruined by Sam "Alan Partridge" Matterface

This guy is just plain dreadful

Leaving all opinions about him aside - a simple FACT is that he doesn't commentate on the game, he doesn't tell you what's happening on the pitch often enough for you to follow the game. Same in his last "commentary". This is such a basic error that surely even Clayton must fix it. At the point when that is fixed we can address whether his drivelling "banter" with his co-host is adequate. Personally as a start (if I couldn't fire him immediately) I'd make him do the games on his own - given him no-one to talk to - then he might concentrate more.

Ha, yes, it's a very good idea. I bet he couldn't last more than 15 minutes on his own before running out the room shrieking for help.

[JW90]

Does Matterface ever listen to himself?

"That right foot could crack a safe"

Oh yes, if there's one man who'd enjoy listening to himself it is Matterface.

[Erskine Might]

Oh he's seriously weird. Anyone who'd look at this picture of himself and think, 'Oooh, yeah, this will look REALLY good at the top of my Twitter page...' well, he's ODD. I mean, what the hell is he doing?? Getting a blow job under the table by an otter? What an expression! I can't really get over it - I mean, you'd surely tear that picture up and throw it away, you wouldn't CHOOSE it as your defining pic for the world to see??? He's fucking NUTS!

[delboy1983]

Does Matterface ever listen to himself?

"That right foot could crack a safe"

He has a file of such gems primed ready to deploy for his two listeners that haven't turned off.

[Champagne and Roses]

Oh he's seriously weird. Anyone who'd look at this picture of himself and think, 'Oooh, yeah, this will look REALLY good at the top of my Twitter page...' well, he's ODD. I mean, what the hell is he doing?? Getting a blow job under the table by an otter? What an expression! I can't really get over it - I mean, you'd surely tear that picture up and throw it away, you wouldn't CHOOSE it as your defining pic for the world to see??? He's fucking NUTS!

Nats must have told him he looked like Tom Hiddleston once, as encouragement as he attempted mount her.