The Beast from the East

[carcinogen]

Beast From The East 2.0 currently downloading snow here. Fuck it's a bleak scene. I've got lots of well-seasoned wood for the burner, thermal pants and am about to purchase 6 cans of 8.5pc Orangjeboom. Bring it on you bastard. I'm going to get to May 1st just to piss you off.

Fuck me it is bitter cold out there.

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

This weather is PENIS

[carcinogen]

The high-street never looked bleaker. But I had a skip in my step (fueled by cheap piss admittedly) and was laughing hard at a podcast. I passed a yummy-mummy on her way back from Morrison's and gave her a big smile. She reciprocated in kind. It may have been a sympathy vote, but I think she appreciated it. How hard is it to smile at a woman and make her smile too? It's these little things that make me glad to be alive. Know what I mean? Try it yourself ... try smiling at people. Of course, I am a rakish fellow especially now with my winter beard in full bloom, it's hard for any woman not to smile, giggle and blush when I pass by. Or perhaps they do it because I'm not wearing any trousers and my ball bag is on full display.

[Carlos J]

Part 2 is imminent.

Snow predicted on Sunday.

Will this winter of discontent NEVER FUCKING END.

Yup. If the forecasters are correct, you & Carlos need to stock up on beans & water, Carc.

Of course, it will probably be a load of bollocks with just light drizzle all day.

Only just starting now in Partridgeland. Fucking freezing though.

[ccreds]

Good dollop here I think there's some thoring though. Excuse my poor diction but I've looked around I still can't spell thoring. There's educasion for you.

[ccreds]

Fucking hell I don't know what fucking diction means.

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

It's when you shun the dick.

[carcinogen]

I plan to make my Sunday jaunt to the rec to watch the lads playing footy. Of course I only go for the yummy mummies in their skin tight leggings. God, talk about rows of gorgeous lady bums. Many of the mums are clearly trapped in loveless marriages and crave a rakish beared aloof man. I will try to behave myself. But my point is ... it will be BITTERLY COLD as the wind draws a veil of chill across the sodden grass. I could pull rank and inform the ladies that it was I who actually put the goal-posts up last year but I don't want to show-off. I don't want to be Billy Big-Bollocks.

I shall let you know how it goes. I found a couple of quid beneath my bed so I can fuel myself up with two tins of Orangjeboom super-strength dutch lager. I won't lie: I'm going early and I'm going hard. Fuck it ... it's a Sunday and the Lord would want it this way.

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

Will sheaths remain encased MyCarracherinogen? Assume you to favour a weighty lambskin prophylactic given the power plunging you have planned.