The Fringe: Top ten 'jokes'.

[VeritasVincit]

These were voted as the best ten jokes at The Fringe.
I hope no-one spills their coffee reading these.

I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah.
The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’
Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now.
When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it’s called a podcast.
I thought I’d start off with a joke about The Titanic – just to break the ice.
How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag.
My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He’s Costa-phobic.
I entered the ‘How not to surrender’ competition and I won hands down.
Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch.
My grandma describes herself as being in her ‘twilight years’ which I love because they’re great films.

[finchman]

And that ladies and gentlemen proves comedy is dead.

[Turningleft]

Dear o dear they are awful jack

[Basualdo]

Jesus, the Christmas cracker sales must have been good last year.

[JW90]

The first one doesn't even work.

[JudgeTedd]

When stand up comedians jokes are written down, they are always shite.

[VeritasVincit]

The first one doesn't even work.

And that was voted as the best !

[kancutlawns]

This is a rag tag of fucking shit puns with almost no theme other than the obvious lack of quality but I had to control my bodily emissions at this corker:

“How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag.”

[kancutlawns]

The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’

[chelseachelsea]

The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’

Admit it, you were thinking of Lambers?

[lambrini]

The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’

Admit it, you were thinking of Lambers?

Really?! I'm not like that, am I?

[lambrini]

Comedy is dead.

[kancutlawns]

The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’

Admit it, you were thinking of Lambers?

Really?! I'm not like that, am I?

Well you’re like SHUT UP BITCH, TIDY UP MY BEAUJOLAIS VOM AND FUCK OFF DOWN THE GUTTER YOU HO’!!!”

[lambrini]

The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’

Admit it, you were thinking of Lambers?

Really?! I'm not like that, am I?

Well you’re like SHUT UP BITCH, TIDY UP MY BEAUJOLAIS VOM AND FUCK OFF DOWN THE GUTTER YOU HO’!!!”

I'm not like that at all!

[lambrini]

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He looks at his wife and says, "this is the pig I've been fucking."

His wife looks at him and says "but that's a duck."

He replies "I wasn't talking to you!"